PERSPECTIVE
“Life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it” Charles Swindoll
Resolving the issue.
How do you make choices when you’re unsure what the outcome will be, the effect that not making choices is going to have on you, and the effect it’s having on you now. You’re going to get married, it’s going to happen, you know that. The problem is the uncertainty, how you’re going to get married, when, how many guests and so on. The “what ifs” going round in your head, the sleepless nights, the daily tension and anxiety, it’s really not good at all.
BELIEVE YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT
What type of person are you? Is your coping strategy counter productive? If you really can’t bear this state of limbo maybe you need to make a decision and not wait and see, because you have to balance your mental health. So is all the worry worth it or is it better to reschedule your wedding. You could change the way you think about it, take control of the situation and make a decision. Some couples are re scheduling to ease the pressure, others have accepted it’s relatively out of their control and are going to wait and see. So you have to decide which the best decision for you is, but make some sort of decision.
What can I change?
I remember the Serenity prayer “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”. So what can you change and control? Control the way you’re thinking about it…..it makes a massive difference. But where do you start how do you get out of this cycle of anxiety? If you don’t sleep properly, your cognitive processes aren’t fully engaged. This has damaging effects on your thought processes, and your health, which compounds your situation. Just start visualising all the good things you want to happen on your ideal wedding day. It’s like counterpunching the negativity, tell yourself ” There’s no room in my mind for those thoughts”. You reframe your thoughts and get rid of that cognitive bias and just keep, visualising your perfect day. It’s about not thinking about what could go wrong but thinking about what could go right.
KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE
On social media you can see couples in a similar position to you. Don’t subconsciously look for confirmation about the negativity you’re feeling, these posts don’t’ help. It’s just confirming how you’re thinking about it, reinforcing the doubts you understandably have.
Reframe the question.
So reframe the question, let people know that you’re feeling down about it and lost your mojo, but ask for something positive. So instead of saying, does anyone feel the same way as me, say something like “Can someone tell me a positive story about their wedding . …have you adjusted your plans and are happy about it, I really would like some positivity and optimism”. Don’t ask the questions that are going to elicit a negative response, that’s not going to help you deal with this situation.
ASK FOR HELP.
People try and say the right things to cheer you up and that can lead you down a pathway to talk about negative things. People may say things like “its must be so hard for you at the minute planning your wedding, it must be so stressful for you”. Resist telling your story, you don’t want to keep revisiting those things in your mind. Instead, acknowledge it with some positivity. Have some answers ready like “yes, it’s really nice that you’ve said that because it is really hard, but you know what we’ve got a plan”.
Summary.
So in summary, just try to take control of the situation, because once you start feeling helpless and not in control you feel stressed and vulnerable. Taking control means different things to different people so understand how best you as a couple can take control. That may mean controlling the way you think about it and reframing your thoughts or taking practical action. The choice is yours but the key is…you have a choice.
Contact me for more advice.
If you want to talk to me about your wedding or your ceremony just message me and we can arrange a chat.